alexis in the city

i tend to have super-vivid, somewhat realistic dreams about what’s actually going on in my waking life. last night i had a dream about this potential job i’m looking at - and it had what i would consider some crazy symbolism. i’m no pro at dream interpretation but i love looking at my dream life (since, like i said, they tend to be pretty realistic), my real life, and the symbols and themes that appear in my dreams to see what my subconscious is struggling with.

in this dream last night, i was going to visit my college friend who works at my possible place of future employment (she really does wok there) and talk to some people while i was there. on our way to … i’ll call it X … (creative, i know) i realized it was in this HUGE valley, surrounded by these high embankments and the road that led down to it was steep and scary. it was one constant switchback after another.

once we got there, i realized it was set up like a college campus, complete with dorm living, etc. i had to meet the people my old roommate currently lived with, then i was supposed to meet with a few people to talk about the potential job. i ended up waiting all “afternoon” for these people and only talking with them briefly before i woke up.

so, here’s my (and ryan’s) incredible insightful analysis:

“the company in the valley:”  my potential future place of employment is situated in a ravine because i’m afraid of getting trapped in one place - especially after the super-free lifestyle i’m living now

the road with the switchbacks: this wasn’t just a curvy, mountain road, this was a scarily “zig-zaggy” road! i think it symbolizes the different directions that i’ve taken in my life and career and the ways i’ve gotten to each. all could be leading me to this job, but this job could just be another “zig zag” on my path

the college campus and roommates: i’m pretty sure this is just a subconscious reference to my old roommate who works there, and who - although i know she loves me and LOVED living with me - has said she is so happy to be living by herself. i also mentioned this to her when she introduced me to her dream-roommates.

waiting to talk to people: i think this is a pretty obvious reference to my impatience and my fear that this whole thing could take a LONG time to progress.

i know, a little patience will probably do me good.

so as i wrote a few posts back, lately i’ve been feeling the itch to do something new (i know, i know, as if traveling asia for nearly three months wasn’t good enough …). now, there’s a semi-opportunity arising and i’m finding it hard to remain neutral about it. a couple weeks ago i felt like yes, i wanted SOME sort of change but i wasn’t sure WHAT exactly - and i was kind of ambivilent about what it was, when it happened etc.

now, as this one opportunity has arisen and i continue to take steps toward it, i’m finding it hard to remain patient. this isn’t surprising to  me - it’s what i always do. i’m not a patient person, and when i “get a bee in my bonnet” (as my mom would say) about something, i want it to have happened YESTERDAY. i was - and still am - trying to ensure that doesn’t happen this time. that kind of mentality - while often motivational for me - has often led me to do things i’m less-than-thrilled about later on down the line. or things i realize i wasn’t that passionate about in the first place.

so for now, i want to remain happily dispassionate about the potential for a new opportunity (one i’ve actually looked forward to for much of my adult life, yet hadn’t seriously considered till now because i never felt the timing was right) until such a time when passion is justified and required. that doesn’t mean i want to be passive in pursuit of a dream, but rather that i don’t want to fall into the “over-eager” trap i’ve created for myself so many times before.

the good news is i’m at a time in my life where i truly would be happy either way. i’d be happy to go in this new direction, yet i’m also thrilled with the way i’m able to live my life now.

i need to remind myself of these things and stay in that “happy either way” spot until plans are cemented and decisions are made - which i know will be incredibly difficult for me!

i hate doing just about any thing “traditionally,” so i really need to figure out another time/way to reflect over the past year. i have a friend who does it on her birthday, which sounds like a good idea. but until i figure something better out, here’s my look back for 2007 in a handy, month-by-month guide.

January: Super stoked because i got an offer for a permanent position at my job, where i’d been on a month-to-month contract since September.  additionally, i started thinking about getting into a career in sociology.

February: applied to the School of Social work at the state college near me and started planning a trip to Pakistan to further explore the leanings i had toward social activism

March: birthday month - went and saw “Legally Blonde” before it hit Broadway

April: took on a field producing role at work and got to travel to L.A. to work with our hosts and director to film a special “salute to the troops” for memorial day weekend. definitely the highlight of that job! Also, found out my parents were moving abroad and decided to scrap my trip to Pakistan in favor for taking my vacation time to go and visit them overseas.

May: flew out to DC to be with the fam for the last time before my parents headed to their new assignment. took the red eye there and back and started thinking that living like that was lame - that if i WANTED to go see the people that were important to me, i should be able to - and not have to worry about it eating up my PTO

June: got accepted to grad school and decided i wasn’t THAT into the idea any more (i know, hello ADD). continued my search for consulting and telecommute jobs.

July: went back to see ryan’s parents for the first time since we’d moved away. also went to becky’s wedding while we were there. again, i only made it out for the weekend, further cementing my goal to stop working for  “the man!”

August:  whirlwind month! after being asked by my boss if i’d want to move to LA if my department moved (HELL to the NO!), ryan told me to go ahead and just quit my job. he quit his as well, and we found out my dad’s promotion would be at the end of the month. my parents flew us out for the ceremony and a week in tokyo!

September: first full month of consulting. ryan made more than twice what he made at his old job and i struggled to break even - at least we balanced eachother out! went to SLO to visit mike for a few days, then took a trip to cancun for ryan’s birthday so he could go diving.

October: spent 10 days on the west coast (i LOVE this telecommuting thing!) going to a family/friends reunion in the mountains of NC with ryan’s family. also visited paul and erin in atlanta.

November: managed to squeeze in an 8 day trip back to see ryan’s family for thanksgiving - his grandparents and great-grandfather were also visiting. ryan hung out with highschool friends and i nearly died of boredom! (so glad we don’t live THERE any more!)

December: after returning from thanksgiving, we had two weeks to get everything in order for our 2 1/2 month trip to asia! we sublet our apartment, put our stuff in storage, packed a shit-ton of luggage and were on our way. christmas was in japan with the fam, and we spent new years’ in tokyo with my old roommate, tiffani, and her husband.

in keeping with the trend and our life choices, i’m sure 2008 will be crazy, too! and i just realized this reads like a bad christmas card, but i’m posting it anyway!