a good wife isn’t necessarily a housewife (I)
i have this book, “the excellent wife” that i got as a wedding gift. it was from a dear family friend, so i’ve hung onto it. ryan recently pulled it off the shelf and began flipping through it, and came to a chapter called “home: the wife’s domain” in which the author teaches that a wife and mother should - above all - stay home with her family and tend to the home. she suggests that even if the family is struggling financially or in debt, it would likely be better for the husband to get a second, part-time job rather than take the woman away from the home.
obviously, this makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and riles my liberated, feminist sensibilities. (i can’t decide if the fact that a woman wronte this makes it better or worse in my mind.) but i’ll admit that sometimes the right thing isn’t always the thing that sounds like the most fun, so let me debunk this idea using the author’s own biblical references.
she, of course, hinges much of her admonition on the fabled “proverbs 31 woman.” for anyone that’s not familiar, this woman, among other things:
“She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her women servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
i’m going to gloss over the fact that the passage makes it clear that this woman is industriously bringing in money to the household - likely as a result of owning her own business - and buying property of her own accord when it seems prudent. the author of TEW points out that “out of 22 verses, nine refer directly to her work in the home. her world revolved around her home … [her] home based ministry does not apply just to king soloman’s day but to our day as well.” let’s dissect:
1. nine verses out of 22 is only 40%. hardly an overwhelming majority, or enough to make it seem like her world “revolved” around her home. even if this were true, there are further points of contention:
2. these verses do refer to things this woman has done which will benefit her family (and possibly as a result of something she enjoys?!), but how do we know this is either home-based or a ministry? she’s out buying land, selling clothes, supplying tradesmen. and her family isn’t left wanting - they’re clothed in scarlet. seems like a pretty fruitful business, and not just something done as a ministry!
3. proverbs are not promises or specific instructions and rules for how we should live our lives. this chapter is a perfect example of needing to take something in context. when was the last time you went out and planted a vineyard, or worked on a spindle or selected wool or flax? (i don’t even know what flax IS.) i’m not saying there’s nothing we can learn from this woman. on the contrary - i think we can take her industrious example to heart, but - as i’ve pointed out - not necessarily in the ways that the author of TEW instructs.
there are several other passages the author uses to illustrate her points that i will get to in later posts. but for now i want to close by saying i don’t think people who choose to make the home their “domain” have made the wrong decision. my mom stayed home with my sister and me, and i admire her and am thankful for this, even if it’s something i never think i could do. i have friends who have chosen that road as well. what i have a problem with is thinking that this is the only correct, righteous decision a woman and her family can make. coming to the conclusion that you don’t want to work outside the home is one thing, but weilding the bible inaccurately and out of context to make this an ultimate issue of black and white, right and wrong is quite another thing altogether.
March 22 2009 03:59 pm | career and family and marriage and religion
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