picture of a mess: why i need a housekeeper
this was our kitchen today. well, to be honest, this is our kitchen - in varying degrees of utter disarray - about 50% of the time. it’s especially pathetic because there are only two of us, we have a dishwasher, and we RARELY ever cook full meals at home. yet somehow we amass a gigantic mess and pile of dishes on a fairly regular basis.
want to know what i blame for this mess? our marriage. and i mean that in the nicest way possible. ryan and i have entered into a marriage of equals. a dissloution of gender roles. a rejection of the idea that you should do something based on how it’s been done in the past, and an adoption of the belief that you should do the things you’re best at, the things you enjoy.
of course, there is a loophole in this system, a loophole that manifests itself in our kitchen each week: there are things no one’s good at, and things that no one enjoys doing. in these instances your best bet is to compromise, barter or learn to live with dog-sized dustbunnies floating across the floor (as i have).
but the there’s still a problem: when it comes to the way we live our life, there are just more important things than sweeping the floor or doing the dishes. work gets in the way, dogs need to be taken to the beach, we go out to dinner, have drinks with friends, visit museums, art shows, and family. ALL these things (and many, many more) are way more important to us than keeping up with chores. (but before you guys get the wrong idea and think i live in a pigsty, let me say that we HAVE worked out a lot of the day-to-day details.)
unfortunately, i DO like a somewhat clean place, which leads me to the conclusion mentioned in the title of this post: i need a housekeeper. i’ve always had this in the (not-so-) back of my mind, but as my kitchen demonstrates, i think i’m coming upon a crucial point here. however - since ryan’s start-up has yet to be profitable, i’ll likely have to wait a little longer. unless any of you would like to donate your housekeeper to me. i’d only need them once, maybe twice a month, tops :-).
April 20 2009 07:48 am | the city
April 20th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
You guys have been married for awhile, and have been working on this (according to your post) so I assume you’ve thought about this idea but…
Have you considered just taking an hour and cleaning it really well, and then forcing yourselves to pick up your subsequent messes immediately?
One thing Rex and I have learned is that if we don’t pick up the slack (or the dirty clothes off the floor!), it won’t get done. So no matter how little we want to do it, we need to. We’ve found that we enjoy our home a lot more when we put effort into making it not smelly and not dirty!
Not that I’m forcing you guys into a stereotype, but if you have kids, it will be easier to teach them cleanliness and discipline regarding caring for their belongings (maybe caring for the earth starts with caring for your small little corner of it?) if you’ve already developed it.
I sound like I’m lecturing - I don’t mean to, really, since I’m speaking more to myself than anyone. Perhaps “sharing my journey” is an acceptably cheesy substitute. All I know is that NOT learning the lessons your mother tried to teach you (cleaning your room is good for you, responsibility for chores around the house is important, etc) has been a pain in the ass for me. Learning these things when they were essentially my only responsibility would have been preferable to learning them now, when I have to make money, go to school, and help make sure my home is clean!!
April 20th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
thanks for your comment! i always love reading peoples’ thoughts - and also knowing that people are reading mine, lol
the long-term goal ryan and i have is not to figure out a way to manage our house, our mess, our clutter, etc. better, but rather to get to a point where we don’t HAVE to do those things - i.e. where we are financially free and can get someone else to do all the things we don’t like to do.
i want to be able to focus on the things i enjoy and the things i’m good at because i believe i can contribute so much more to the world if i’m allowed to throw my all into those things, rather than being bogged down by the minutia of life. so, i’m not really TRYING to develop the discipline and desire to take care of these things. i’m just trying to keep it all under control until we get to our desired point.
lest someone mention “character,” i’d like to point out that doing sucky things that you don’t enjoy isn’t the only way to build character. and as for kids, i think you can raise grateful kids with a lot of character - even if they’re not forced to do mundane chores - just like you can raise bratty kids who are brought up doing lots of “character-building” exercises.
i look at myself and my family as examples of this. i WAS forced to do chores, but i had a lot of other things handed to me that many other kids didn’t, yet it was done in a way that cultivated appreciation and a kick-ass work ethic, not entitlement and sloth.
in short, neither ryan nor i have ever planned - in terms of the big picture - on being responsible for the day-to-day tasks of the home. it’s just not something either of us enjoy and part of the reason things are so chaotic now is because we’re both working like crazy to ensure our future isn’t filled with dirty dishes and dustbunnies. i don’t want to learn how to be comfortable and practical because i’ve never wanted a comfortable, practical life
April 20th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Rex and I have similar long term goals - but perhaps I haven’t broadened my thinking enough to include “housekeeper” as one of the things I’m looking forward to doing with money
April 20th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
oh girl - broaden, broaden, broaden! i can give you my list, if you want … it starts with “chef, housekeeper/manager, nanny (either for puppies or kids)”
it also includes living on a catamaran, having family reunions of a private island and serving on the boards of various organizations. but i’m getting ahead of myself … lol
April 21st, 2009 at 11:13 am
I had a housekeeper for the last 2 years we lived in CO… once a week… since we both worked… it was great… more time to spend with Ryder & Ryan after work and on the weekends. But I still did the dishes every night… we wouldn’t have any left to eat on if we waited on the housekeeper.
Before that Ryan and I divided up all the housekeeping tasks… we picked the ones we detested leasted and drew for the other ones. It worked ok.
But now that I don’t have a job… I do most of the housekeeping. I sometimes think I need to get a job just so I can hire a housekeeper! But Ryan is still good about helping a little… he usually does the floors.
My dish tip… empty the dishwasher as soon as you can once they are done and then you can just stick whatever you use in as soon as you are done… they won’t pile up and get really yucky. I try to do this but sometimes I slack off on emptying and then they pile up and I don’t even want to touch them.
April 21st, 2009 at 12:50 pm
lucky! i would be good with having a housekeeper twice or even once a month - i figure, having the apartment cleaned once a month is better than cleaning, like, every 3-6 months which is how it is now
plus we live in a small space, so not that much to get dirty.
unfortunately, i don’t think the war over the dishes will ever be won with just the two of us. after i posted this, ryan cleaned up the kitchen, but we have a sink and stove full of dirty dishes already. oh well, it’s hardly a top priority!