the “feminine wound” is a disservice to feminism
a couple months ago, my sister gave me a book called “dance of the dissident daughter” by sue monk kidd. this post is by no means meant to be a review of the entire book, since i could only get through about half of it. it was horribly written (especially considering kidd is a writer), it drew some ridiculous parallels and came to some groundless conclusions. all of this would be ok considering it was written as a memoir, but kidd was also making the case for her transformation from traditional, evangelical wife to what i would describe as hippy-dippy, dance naked under the moon (seriously she does this), find feminist meaning in EVERYTHING (and i mean everything - from a woman crying on the front porch to a tree in a forest), borderline pantheism. i’m going to need a little bit more than “i learned to trust the divine within” to be able to swallow that transition!
let me first point out that i’m not denying that some of her problems with the church and with our society exist, nor am i downplaying the soul-crushing affect they can have on people in general and women in particular. strict patriarchy is likely not the healthiest societal structure. focusing only on god’s masculine attributes - and therefore downplaying women’s roles in the bible, history and in churches today is robbing everyone of a more rich spiritual experience. (seriously, when was the last time you heard something preached on galations 3:26-29, which states: “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus …Â There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”) years after suffrage, this structure and these problems still infiltrate our culture, our churches, our homes. i am not denying that. what i’m denying is extrapolating this fact out into a “feminine wound” that can be found in all women. i reject this conclusion for several reasons:
1). not everyone experiences this. in a post-feminist age, it’s ridiculous to think that within every woman’s spirit, there is part of her that is downtrodden and abused. it’s also ridiculous to think that just because we’re supposed to be an “enlightened” society, this abuse doesn’t take place. but don’t make it sound like it’s something every women has, should or will struggle with, waiting just below the surface to manifest itself. i, for one, don’t buy into that.
2). if we’re not careful, this idea can perpetuate a culture of victimhood. we all know about victimhood. enough said.
3). we’re focusing on the wrong thing. by putting so much emphasis on this (hypothetical) wound, we’re doing a disservice to the women who fought - and continue to fight - for womens’ rights and equality. i really think someone like susan b. anthony would be disappointed to know that - while we’re grateful for her sacrifice and all - all her hard work really enabled us to do was sit around and analyze and lament how men have kept us down. if i was susan, i’d sure be pissed.
the feminist movement enabled women to do whatever they wanted, to be equals, to make decisions for themselves. are there negative remnants of the fight left over? yes. is patriarchy still alive and well? yes. can this be painful and in some cases change the very fiber of your being? i’ve had healthy relationships with pretty much all the men in my life - from my dad, to best guy friends, to ex-boyfriends (who have become best guy friends), to my husband - and i’m happy and proud to be my own, independent woman. but i understand that not everyone is that lucky. wounds are created and they need to heal. but to suggest that a). everyone has this type of wound and b). the best way to handle the pain is to chuck common sense and do whatever feels right to the “divine feminine” within, is not only pretty hoaky but also a regression from the progress we’ve made as feminists.
i’m pretty sure susan b. anothony or rosy the riveter would tell us to man up and deal with it. pun intended.
May 28 2009 10:15 am | marriage and religion and soapbox
May 28th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Thanks for writing, I truly liked reading your most recent post. I think you should post more frequently, you evidently have natural ability for blogging!