July 31st, 2009 -- Posted in family |
my bailey-roo shared 13 amazing years with us. she saw and experienced more in her life than many humans will. she was as much a part of our military family as anyone else, proving herself a faithful companion as she shared the back seat with us on cross-country trips, adjusted to the snow of colorado, the fog of the central coast, the expansive army base in LA, the stairs in the McMansion in fairfax, the jetting around the country to be with various family members, and even moving to tokyo and back. when she was born on the little farm in la junta, colorado, where we got her, i’m sure she never imagined she’d have such adventures! though, really, neither did we!
even after joce and i had moved out, every time we’d come to visit we’d be greeted with her trademark seal bark as she fell all over herself to show her excitement at our homecoming. we all know dogs teach us about what’s really important in life, and bailey did an amazing job of helping put our lives in perspective. and she will continue to.
our sandwiches are safe now, but i’d just as soon feed her every one i ever made and have her stick around a while longer. in my animal-loving mind, i believe st. francis will be throwing open the gates of heaven to welcome her, and leading her to baxter - another dog i had to say goodbye to - where they can eat sandwiches, run, seal-bark and play until we can all be together again.
July 26th, 2009 -- Posted in marriage |
every once in a while ryan and i have the “we should have a thing we do together” conversation. over the years we’ve gone through many ideas: sailing (too expensive to sustain for now), golfing (only affordable and convenient when done with my father), wine (we’re just REALLY not that into so why force it), cooking (BWAAAAAH HAHAHA), dodgeball (ryan did NOT think this was a great idea), tennis (we always come back to this one but have yet to do it), and many more. but in the end, the ideas always fizzle out. so what’s the deal? and do we HAVE to have a thing we do together?
many of our friends have couples activities they share - from hiking to taking classes to playing sports to even running businesses together (yikes!). i’m not saying we never do anything together, but we tend to live really separate lives and when we do hang out it’s definitely not to do some sort of structured activity. i’ve gone through periods of trying to come up with something we would enjoy, and - conversely - gone through periods where i figured if i have to TRY to think of something, that’s probably a sign that i’m forcing it.
we don’t even really share our own individual activities. when ryan goes to tech events - hell, even when he PRESENTED at one - he didn’t ask me to go and it didn’t cross my mind that he would want me to be there. i spend a great deal of my free time on my Junior League committees, but when we have events and co-ed mixers i don’t expect him to be there. i would say that this is because we know eachother’s likes and dislikes and are just as happy (probably happier) doing our own thing, well, on our own.
and this brings me back to my initial question - should we have a “thing” we do together? even if we’re content to live our own separate lives, should we try to integrate more “couple-y” activities? should we come up with something just for the sake of trying something new, on the chance that we might like it? i tend to think that - although relationships should constantly be changing to accommodate the people in them - we’ve found something that works for us and we should just leave it at that.
then i think of my parents. they just celebrated their 30th anniversary. and i cannot for the life of my think of a “couple-y” activity they do together. they spend time together - reading the paper, going to starbucks, traveling - but they really don’t have a “thing.” both of them are independent individuals outside of their marriage and i would say that makes their relationship even stronger. my mom doesn’t seem too concerned that my dad golfs with his friends, and my dad has probably come to terms with the fact that there will always be some sort of craft project underway in the house. and i really don’t think either of them is searching for that “perfect couples activity” they can do together.
and i’m betting if i asked them they’d tell me relationships are as unique as the people who are in them and i should find what works for me and not care about the standards set by other people. so i think that’s what i’ll stick with. unless, of course, i happe upon a tennis racket. in which case i SWEAR we’ll start playing …
July 16th, 2009 -- Posted in career, family, military, religion, san francisco, the city |
church is like the gym for me. some people have probably heard my analogy, but here it is:
i get up every morning and go to the gym, 7 am, like clockwork. it’s not a choice for me, it’s not something i evaluate, it’s just something i do. it’s something i’ve always done basically my entire life, and i don’t really think about it. i don’t know how to do anything else from 7 to 8am. i don’t particularly enjoy it - i don’t wake up in the morning thinking, “oh boy, i’m so excited to get up and work out.” like i said - i don’t think about it at all. i show up at the gym and i work the hell out of myself. i don’t have a blast while i’m there, but i don’t hate it. then, after i leave, i’m glad i went - i feel like i did something good for myself and that i made a good decision. and if i don’t go (yes, there have been a handful of times over the course of my life where i’ve **gasp** skipped the gym!) i feel like crap. overall i see the benefits it has in my life and therefore it’s not a habit i’m going to part with.
this is pretty much the perfect description for how i view church. i don’t go every day or anything, but it’s a weekly habit that’s been ingrained in me since the dawn of time as i know it. i don’t really enjoy it, but i’m not miserable - and after i go, i’m glad i went … though - like the gym - that’s mostly because if i don’t go, i feel guilty.
continue reading »
July 9th, 2009 -- Posted in marriage, parents, politics, religion, san francisco, the city |
massachusetts filed a lawsuit wednesday against the federal government that calls into question the constitutionality of the defense of marriage act (DOMA).
i’ve tackled this subject before as i believe the federal government should leave itself out of the marriage thing altogether. in my version of an ideal world, there would be two different rules governing marriage - the legal side of things which would allow for equal treatment of all people (what we would now consider civil unions), and the religious side of things which would allow for what we now term “marriage.” however, this is not the way things are, nor do i think we’re heading in that direction so what should be done given the way things are now?
continue reading »