couples who don’t do anything together … stay together?
every once in a while ryan and i have the “we should have a thing we do together” conversation. over the years we’ve gone through many ideas: sailing (too expensive to sustain for now), golfing (only affordable and convenient when done with my father), wine (we’re just REALLY not that into so why force it), cooking (BWAAAAAH HAHAHA), dodgeball (ryan did NOT think this was a great idea), tennis (we always come back to this one but have yet to do it), and many more. but in the end, the ideas always fizzle out. so what’s the deal? and do we HAVE to have a thing we do together?
many of our friends have couples activities they share - from hiking to taking classes to playing sports to even running businesses together (yikes!). i’m not saying we never do anything together, but we tend to live really separate lives and when we do hang out it’s definitely not to do some sort of structured activity. i’ve gone through periods of trying to come up with something we would enjoy, and - conversely - gone through periods where i figured if i have to TRY to think of something, that’s probably a sign that i’m forcing it.
we don’t even really share our own individual activities. when ryan goes to tech events - hell, even when he PRESENTED at one - he didn’t ask me to go and it didn’t cross my mind that he would want me to be there. i spend a great deal of my free time on my Junior League committees, but when we have events and co-ed mixers i don’t expect him to be there. i would say that this is because we know eachother’s likes and dislikes and are just as happy (probably happier) doing our own thing, well, on our own.
and this brings me back to my initial question - should we have a “thing” we do together? even if we’re content to live our own separate lives, should we try to integrate more “couple-y” activities? should we come up with something just for the sake of trying something new, on the chance that we might like it? i tend to think that - although relationships should constantly be changing to accommodate the people in them - we’ve found something that works for us and we should just leave it at that.
then i think of my parents. they just celebrated their 30th anniversary. and i cannot for the life of my think of a “couple-y” activity they do together. they spend time together - reading the paper, going to starbucks, traveling - but they really don’t have a “thing.” both of them are independent individuals outside of their marriage and i would say that makes their relationship even stronger. my mom doesn’t seem too concerned that my dad golfs with his friends, and my dad has probably come to terms with the fact that there will always be some sort of craft project underway in the house. and i really don’t think either of them is searching for that “perfect couples activity” they can do together.
and i’m betting if i asked them they’d tell me relationships are as unique as the people who are in them and i should find what works for me and not care about the standards set by other people. so i think that’s what i’ll stick with. unless, of course, i happe upon a tennis racket. in which case i SWEAR we’ll start playing …
July 26 2009 09:11 pm | marriage