alexis in the city

outsourcing the “nesting” instinct

the holidays have gotten me thinking about it: i am not a nester. my apartment itself isn’t really “decorated” at any time of year. i don’t have an eye for design at all except to choose lots of green accents, and keep things as minimalist as possible when living in 400 square feet ~ nothing on top of shelves, no trinkets or decorations or candles. (i do collect art from the countries i travel, but some of it isn’t even up, and the pieces that are, are haphazardly placed.) perhaps because of this, i’ve never decorated for the holidays - any of them, really.  i go “home” every christmas where my mom exquisitely displays all my childhood nostalgia - how could i ever venture to compete with that? i don’t have my own family and the amount of time and effort to arrange something for two people who really don’t care either way, seems pointless. this combined with my aforementioned lack of design skills and space, and desire for minimalism, is the perfect storm for some really half-assed decor, even if i tried.

so i never have. not so much as a christmas tree. the interesting thing is, i LOVE the holidays. i love family tradition: decorating the tree, making sugar cookies, eating swedish meatballs with lingonberries on christmas eve and swedish sausage on christmas morning. i love looking at all the crazy christmas crafts we did as kids, and reading all our favorite books like “the little drummer boy” and “the grinch” and watching “little women” (which has somehow become a holiday tradition). i love santa lucia and candlelight services and singing carols around the piano. but these are all things i do with my family, and nothing i would try to replicate on my own, which is probably why i don’t see the point of decorating. like all my other traditions, i rely on my parents for that.

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Dear Miss Manners: how the millenial generation lost their filter

my mom called me into her study the other day and as i judged by the tone of horror in her voice, i could tell she was shocked by something that had offended her sensibilities. i read the email (from her hairstylist) over her shoulder: “we’re so excited to tell you guys …. well … you’ll see.” with a sense of dread, my mom clicked on the download button and there before our eyes was a GIANT ultrasound fetus, filling up the entire computer screen.

oh blessed horrors.

i wish i could say such an assumption and intrusion happened on rare occasion but with the advent of email blasts, facebook and the social web has come a complete lack of propriety. and it’s not just my generation (the millenials, gen y, generation net, whatever you want to call it) that’s guilty. with amazing voracity, a variety of demographics has latched onto the idea that everyone wants to know about their unborn child, their bodily functions, their dirty little secrets. but we don’t.

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i want what you want for yourself

one of my clients is a relationship author and expert and as part of her marriage vows, she and her husband told eachother: “i want for you what you want for yourself.” these are great words of support and they were my ideal of a reciprocal relationship before i’d even heard it encapsulated by this phrase. for as long as i can remember i’ve expected a relationship that was an equal partnership, where i had my dreams and goals completely supported and endorsed by the person i loved - and vice versa of course - no matter how crazy, lofty or pie-in-the-sky they might seem. sounds great, right? i doubt many people wouldn’t want that.

so - when it comes right down to it - why are so many of us held back by the people who are supposed to care about us the most?

because, as with so many aspects in a relationship, things tend to play out a lot differently when the rubber meets the road. actually acting on the idea that “i support you 110%, no matter what you decide to do” is a lot more challenging than simply being happy when something good happens to your significant other ~ likely because:

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today i am thankful for …

i’ve been doing this thing on facebook where i list one thing i’m thankful for each day until thanksgiving. supposedly, it’s supposed to get harder as you go along, but i don’t see how that’s possible as i have SO much to be thankful for. today, i wanted to mention how thankful i am for my parents, but a simple statement like that just didn’t seem to cut it ~ nor could i fit all the things i want to thank them for in a facebook status update. i’m sure i can’t fit them all in a post, either ~ and i’ve mentioned many things about my life growing up which i’m grateful for already on my blog - but today i wanted to include a few more.

1. they taught me i could be anything, do anything, have anything i wanted. i don’t remember anything ever being too crazy, too ambitious too … whatever. if i had told them i wanted to own the biggest casino in Las Vegas, they would have said “go for it”. i always had (and still have) a strongly-held belief that i could accomplish what i set my mind to, thanks to the encouragement of my parents.

and they went beyond just telling me i could do something. when i played sports, i don’t think my mom ever missed a game (and my dad was always there if he was in town). when i was a cheerleader my mom learned the cheers. whether i was competing in piano guilds or pageants, they were driving me, practicing with me, giving me the tools i needed so i COULD actually accomplish anything. (and, looking back, i accomplished a lot for a kid!)

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