Dear Miss Manners: how the millenial generation lost their filter
my mom called me into her study the other day and as i judged by the tone of horror in her voice, i could tell she was shocked by something that had offended her sensibilities. i read the email (from her hairstylist) over her shoulder: “we’re so excited to tell you guys …. well … you’ll see.” with a sense of dread, my mom clicked on the download button and there before our eyes was a GIANT ultrasound fetus, filling up the entire computer screen.
oh blessed horrors.
i wish i could say such an assumption and intrusion happened on rare occasion but with the advent of email blasts, facebook and the social web has come a complete lack of propriety. and it’s not just my generation (the millenials, gen y, generation net, whatever you want to call it) that’s guilty. with amazing voracity, a variety of demographics has latched onto the idea that everyone wants to know about their unborn child, their bodily functions, their dirty little secrets. but we don’t.
before anyone makes the assumption that i am an old fashioned luddite, i assure you - i am not. i look forward to the day when my online life (where i spend about 90% of my waking hours) and my “real” life will be seamlessly integrated, or at least much more symbiotic. when i won’t be harassed about my level of connectivity. when there won’t be a distinction between web and reality because they’ll be accepted as the same thing. in some way, shape or form, the internet has given me nearly everything in my life including my career, my apartment, my lifestyle, even (in some cases) my friends.
my problem is not that people are sharing information via the internet (duh. that’s kind of what it’s for). the issue is that it’s done in an intrusive way. a cryptic email from someone who barely knows you, enticing you to download a ginormous fetus picture?! a status update with information only your OB-GYN should know?! (quickly prompting me to block that person.) and my list goes on! there are places where this information would perhaps be appropriate - an email to just your family, a mommy blog, a genre-specific site or message board. but all too often i find the information i receive from my so-called friends, is really not fit for prime time at all!
some things were meant to be kept between an intimate few: like the picture of your fetus. or information on how dilated you are. or updates when your water breaks. or the details about your kids’ bowel movement. i only wish i was making this stuff up.
just like manners and etiquette need to be practiced in the “real world,” so they also need to be practiced online if we want this whole web thing to continue to evolve in a legitimate way. but perhaps the problem isn’t so much that millenials are self-involved and think everyone should know everything about them (though i suspect that’s part of it). perhaps, instead, it’s that far too many of us weren’t properly educated on etiquette PRIOR to the internet. growing up with miss manners for a mom, in a cotillion culture, in the military (where there’s an entire career path dedicated to protocol), etiquette and decorum were next to godliness.but as i’ve grown up and interacted with the real world, i’ve found not everyone was so lucky.
as i’ve been typing this, my mom has been talking with her aide about an event they’re hosting for one of my dad’s bosses - discussing not only the “proper” menu, but who will be responsible for offering drinks, how the hors’devours will be presented, what the lay out of the meal will be … and so forth. so i can’t escape it even if i tried.
the “etiquette in the real world” is a broader conversation and one on which endless books and instructional manuals have been written. but as for etiquette online, for now let’s just try to keep intrusive updates to a minimum. save them for your blog or your website where i can completely avoid them if i so choose!
November 23 2009 09:17 am | parents and soapbox