alexis in the city

obsessive thoughts of an OCD nomad

~ it is not what we carry with us but what we let go that defines who we are ~

my mom has a room full of furniture for me. it’s all the furniture that was in my room when i was growing up (and which belonged to my great-grandparents), along with a couple awesome walnut dining tables that were my grandparents’ and hopefully two green Ethan Allen wingback chairs (if she does, in fact, decide to re-do the living room). all this stresses me out. if you’ve ever seen my apartment - tragically furnished only about a half-step up from a college dorm with craigslist finds, ikea purchases and, yes, even things i’ve found on the street - you’re probably wondering why, for the sweet love of god, i don’t already have all my awesome bequeathed furniture in my apartment. but it’s not that simple ~ as is usually the case with me.

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it takes a village to raise a child

my village was evangelicalism.

let me preface this all by saying: i am grateful (for the most part) for the way i was raised - because what i’m about to write might sound like i’m trying to imply the opposite.  i’m not. just because i question and denounce parts of my upbringing doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate it. it means that i - like so many - am a part (or was a part? i’m not sure yet …) of a culture i have some serious issues with.

over the course of my life, i’ve noticed that most kids raised similarly to how i was tend to fall into three camps. the first are those who either accept what they’ve been taught at face value, or come to a place of acceptance. the second group denounces the religion of their childhood altogether, or becomes ambivalent. and then there are the rest of us, the little village children of a certain type of christianity, walking the fringes as we wrestle with what we consider to be inconsistencies, hypocrisy, and sometimes downright lies.

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why church is like the gym

church is like the gym for me. some people have probably heard my analogy, but here it is:

i get up every morning and go to the gym, 7 am, like clockwork. it’s not a choice for me, it’s not something i evaluate, it’s just something i do. it’s something i’ve always done basically my entire life, and i don’t really think about it. i don’t know how to do anything else from 7 to 8am. i don’t particularly enjoy it - i don’t wake up in the morning thinking, “oh boy, i’m so excited to get up and work out.” like i said - i don’t think about it at all. i show up at the gym and i work the hell out of myself. i don’t have a blast while i’m there, but i don’t hate it. then, after i leave, i’m glad i went - i feel like i did something good for myself and that i made a good decision. and if i don’t go (yes, there have been a handful of times over the course of my life where i’ve **gasp** skipped the gym!) i feel like crap. overall i see the benefits it has in my life and therefore it’s not a habit i’m going to part with.

this is pretty much the perfect description for how i view church. i don’t go every day or anything, but it’s a weekly habit that’s been ingrained in me since the dawn of time as i know it. i don’t really enjoy it, but i’m not miserable - and after i go, i’m glad i went … though - like the gym - that’s mostly because if i don’t go, i feel guilty.

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how to get bloggers to work with you

i’ve been working on a long, lengthy post on the insights i’m gaining while reading “jesus for president.” however, my faithful, amazing computer that had been with me on my journey for nearly two years (can you tell i was attached!) died over the weekend, taking with it the post i’d been writing. since then, i have NOT been motivated to start all over. in the absence of a post for over a week (gasp!) i’m linking to my internet friend’s blog, breaking even.

i’ve worked with her on behalf of clients in the past, and she’s reviewing the book by the woman i work for now. her post is on how marketing people (like me) can get bloggers and writers (like her) to work with them. she uses me as an example of what to do to encourage the afore-mentioned partnership, and i must say i’m quite flattered :-).

since i don’t talk that much about what i do professionally on this blog - although i mean to! - i thought this would be a good chance for anyone interested to get an idea of what i spend my hours (and hours) doing - and why i can legitimately spend most of my day on facebook. read her post here!

being necessary

i always wanted to be “necessary” in my jobs or my career. not in the way that a relief worker is necessary - or people will starve - or in the way a surgeon is necessary - or people could suffer and die - but simply in the ways that related to my job. i guess everyone probably has a bit of that desire, but i’d venture to say that i went further out of my way than most people to convince myself that i WAS necessary: i’d sit in on meetings that i didn’t really have to be a part of, i’d come in early to work - even when i wasn’t asked - if there was a crisis and they needed extra help, i’d volunteer for all the special projects, train the new hires, etc. etc. and not because i was trying to get ahead or because i was trying to get in good with my bosses, but because i really wanted to believe that what i did was a necessary function.

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