alexis in the city

never ask a lady her age

i’ve discovered that there are two things i grew up thinking it was rude to ask a complete stranger, but are actually socially acceptable (apparently):

1). how much is your rent?

2) how old are you?

living in a city where rent prices are a popular dinner conversation topic, i’ve gotten comfortable talking about it - with friends AND strangers - and it doesn’t bother me any more. (though i still her my mom’s “tut, tut” in the back of my head!) the second one, however, continues to throw me for a loop. i was at a marketing conference today and i got asked TWICE how old i was. i get that i’m young and the question usually comes after people find out i’m married. it’s probably a snap reaction, especially in a city where the average marriage age is definitely closer to 30 than 20. (and, from first-hand experience, I would not recommend getting married when you’re closer to 20 than 30, but i digress!)

it never ceases to amaze me when someone i’ve jut met point blank asks me my age. and i have yet to come up with a clever answer. sometimes i say i’m in my 20’s, sometimes i just say i’m young. sometimes i blurt out my actual age out of sheer surprise. i try not to get too snarky with people i just met - i reserve that for my close friends

i am more than an “s”

i hate that i’m a mrs. i don’t hate being married but i hate that who i am can be reduced to one tiny letter on the front of an envelope. let’s face it: “s” is the only thing differentiating me from ryan when we get things addressed to “mr and mrs ryan waggoner.”

i’m sure i’m over-reacting and i’m sure it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. a lot. it’s one more way that we conform to the constructs of a pre-feminist, patriarchial society without even realizing it. and - while i’d like to say my anger is directed toward the injustices revealed by this contruct and then subsequently enforced upon all women - (although that is the cause of some of my emotion), this is rooted in a far baser reaction: i am perturbed on a personal level.

let’s set aside the fact that i feel waaaaay too young for anyone to call me “mrs.” or the fact that i kept my original name. if we must do the mr. and mrs. thing and we must use only one last name, is it REALLY too much to ask to include MY name in there? i mean, i would be happy with a simple “mr and mrs ryan and alexis waggoner.” (see that - i don’t even care if ryan’s name is listed first. that much. although i think it should be alphabetical … but whatever.)

i know most people don’t even THINK about these kinds of things, so i don’t take it personally when i get something addressed to me as an “s.” i’m not frustrated with the person that sent it, i’m frustrated with the length of time it takes our habits and constructs as a society to be deconstructed and reconstructed differently and more effectively.

a pro-gay marriage stance on the federal government’s involvement

some of you may have seen this huffington post article i posted on facebook. basically, gay rights groups are upset that the supreme court last week overturned a gay marriage case at the federal level. the couple was challenging 1996’s defense of marriage act which “prevents couples in states that recognize same-sex unions from securing Social Security spousal benefits, filing joint taxes and other federal rights of marriage.” part of the frustration is that obama has pledged to try to repeal this act, and many see the ruling as inconsistent with this promise.

i am a gay marriage supporter. i am staunchly (STAUNCHLY) opposed to DOMA. i want equal rights for all people. and i support the supreme court’s decision last week. here’s why:

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the “feminine wound” is a disservice to feminism

a couple months ago, my sister gave me a book called “dance of the dissident daughter” by sue monk kidd. this post is by no means meant to be a review of the entire book, since i could only get through about half of it. it was horribly written (especially considering kidd is a writer), it drew some ridiculous parallels and came to some groundless conclusions. all of this would be ok considering it was written as a memoir, but kidd was also making the case for her transformation from traditional, evangelical wife to what i would describe as hippy-dippy, dance naked under the moon (seriously she does this), find feminist meaning in EVERYTHING (and i mean everything - from a woman crying on the front porch to a tree in a forest), borderline pantheism. i’m going to need a little bit more than “i learned to trust the divine within” to be able to swallow that transition!

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Legalizing prostitution is tricky*

Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.

~ronald reagan

i recently asked a friend to write about his view points on limited government, as it’s a topic that’s been on my mind lately. i recognize that limited government and true conservatism are different from much of what we see on display by the so-called “conservative” right. to use a political party classification, the views of the libertarian party more readily match up with that of true limited government. i hear many on the “conservative” right go on and on about their affinity for limited government seemingly without realizing the contradictions they’re espousing.

don’t get me wrong, i understand the need for cognitive dissidence when examining political viewpoints, and i’m not trying to suggest that *i* have all my opinionated ducks in a row. there are certainly specific views that i hold which i have trouble reconciling with other views. the idea here, though, is cognitive dissidence: i.e., recognizing that these opposing opinions exist.  this is something i haven’t seen too much of.

i get the feeling that some limited government proponents espouse these viewpoints in as much as it benefits them, without taking things out to their logical conclusion. in other words, they want limited goverment in the areas where THEY want it … but they’d rather not think about the other areas. in fact, some of the principles that the “conservative” right holds with the most voracity i’ve found to be in direct conflict with the idea of limited government. here are some examples i’ve thought of:

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